Author Statement

        Sex, like singing or dancing, should be enjoyable, a fantastic experience of movement and intimacy, for both body and soul, and when it’s not, then we’re doing something wrong; whether it’s oral sex, or all the other fun sexual intercourses with our loving partners.

        Or, we’re doing the right things with the wrong sexual love partners.

        But a great deal of any wrongness can be corrected with the right information applied in the correct manner.

        Sex is a skill, just like writing or singing, and can be easily improved, and sometimes made awe-inspiring.

        Think about it.

        You write better now, than when you were a child, don’t you?

        You write better alphabet letters, longer and better words, and more deep and interest content, than when you were five. And some of us can write in more than language, even in Klingonese.

        Not, everyone can do that, but everyone can improve.

        So, THIS is something YOU CAN DO; you can IMPROVE and HAVE A TON OF FUN, by doing, and sharing.

        All you need be is open and brave and willing to apply your entirely new (for you beginners) or your newly revamped (for those of you more advanced in lovemaking) skills you’ll learn from this book.

ALL ARE WELCOME HERE.

ALL ARE ENCOURAGED, to explore within these useful pages.

        Just be you.

        You don’t have to be red carpet movie gorgeous, smooth of silver tongued speech, or even “300” Spartan perfect warrior strong, or “The Watchmen’s Dr. Manhattan”-comic book and CGI all blue male perfection, or even Olympian physically fit, in order to become a Master CuntSinger, of any sex.

        And neither is perfect pitch required, even you, who are tone deaf, may apply, because it’s not always the tune itself, nor that it’s played perfectly each and every time.

        Sometimes the vibrations alone can do the trick, and bring incredible success.

                    * * * *

And what does author Neale Sourna know about it?

        First, I’m NOT a professionally licensed medical or sexual practitioner, not in the least. Because the stuff that goes on between people would make me cry and squirm and be far too messy for me.

        Okay, I’m a total pussy, under that kind of pressure.

        Or would that be a total cunny?

        And why is being “a pussy” an insult, hm? Think about that awhile, it’s a culture thing.

        But, then again, some of the most useful stuff has come from talented, dedicated amateurs and people just completely in love with the subject at hand.

        Don’t you have a friend who knows more about a sport or subject than the broadcast experts?

        Personally, I think sex is fascinating, and so are people in love, and in lust. And/or both.

        I mean, really:

                How many of us actually learned sex from a sex professional?

        Most of us, and our parents, too, learned sexual “health”—lots of scary picture of syphilis we HAD to look at—from a gym teacher doing double duty in health class; or from some amateur lover a little farther ahead in the game, or more willing to experiment.

        Most of us definitely didn’t have a professional whore or pimp or sex therapist in that health class. And it definitely wasn’t called sex class, at all.

        I am, however, a professional writer in the sex and relations field, if getting paid counts.

        I believe that help should be more interesting than obvious, which is why I don’t usually do nonfiction. But all love and lovemaking situations are a bit in the fiction field, though, aren’t they?

Back to “talented, dedicated amateurs” versus “paid professionals.”

        Olympians and people you know, who can sing and dance wonderfully, may never have had full training or “school learnin’ ” or have been given a record deal, or a certificate for their wall that states that they are a “Sex Expert.”

        Sometimes, they’re much more interesting than those who have studied “by the book” or were sanctioned by some outside sanctioning group; but now have nothing new or fresh to add.

        So, I’m a thinking AND feeling writer, and a professional, yes, I actually gets paid for this; sex writer in the field of creative sex writing (fiction and nonfiction), which means I observe, research, analyze, and translate what I comprehend of culture, personality, and interpersonal relationships through the loving filter of my own—precious to me—body and knowledge and feelings.

        If I feel it, that warm, “naughty” feeling, don’t you think or feel or whatever it is that you do, that a few 6 or 7 million other people, or at least a nice portion of them, might just feel something similar?

        That’s connection, my friend. We don’t have to talk person to person about it; we KNOW it’s there, the human connection.

        Heart to page to heart.

        I then I take the feelings and thoughts and research and culture, etcetera and combine it together in a new way and put it all into more easily understood way, that’s conversational and fun, and that has strong personal feeling and personal meaning for you, Happy Reader and Sexual Explorer, just like making love does.

        Exactly like making love. Same parts, same number of combinations, but different results, because we’re all different, in wonderful ways.

        Writing to me is a form of lovemaking, especially in creative fiction; so, I guess, I love you. I hope you love me, too.

Why music?

        I’ve a background in music history, composition, advanced harmony, and in vocal singing and playing an instrument—piano, recorder, clarinet, French Horn—which include high skill in articulate lips, flexible tonguing, fingering, and breath.

        And if you think the title and the subject of this book are scandalous, then you should see the things musicians do with their mouthpieces!

        Especially in marching band, and it’s freezing cold in the American Midwest!

        Oh, yes, and I believe in utter egoless joy and delicious pleasure, much like we experienced as children, before we were told to “grow up” and be frozen, self-conscious, “mature” people, afraid that any thing sexual is “dirty,” “not of true interest,” or “shouldn’t be fun,” because so many of us experience so little joy, and so rarely.

        That changes NOW!

Because, THE BEST WAY TO HAVE JOY is to GIVE JOY.

        So, this is Educated Opinion’s Advice, culled from the Actual Experience of others and self, and from Creative Imagination, hand sculpted into a TANGIBLY USABLE FORM for YOUR Sexual EDUCATION, YOUR Oral FUN, and YOUR Sexual, Oral PLEASURE.

        Well, actually, for HER PLEASURE and your delicious pleasure, in pleasing her. Because causing pleasure and joy in another, especially in someone you love, is a great orgasmic and often ecstatic feeling of its own.

        And worth all the more to me, and to you, than all that bull of what is often passed off as sexual pleasure, but isn’t. You’ve cried enough tears to know that it isn’t.

        Or she has.

        If you still think I’m not qualified, that’s your right; but, remember, how many times have you asked your well-schooled doctor or professor or other licensed professional an important question, that was HIGHLY IMPORTANT TO YOU, and they never actually answered, to your SATISFACTION, or just clearly LEFT YOU HANGING, EXPOSED and UNFULFILLED, because they too aren’t expert in everything and can be miseducated, too.

        Or just are still afraid, this late in the game, to be open and brave about pleasure, especially sexual pleasure.

        And, let’s face it, how many of these ineffective advisors of yours actually ever studied Basic Human Bodily Pleasure, Intermediate Human Bodily Pleasures, let alone Advanced Human Bodily Pleasures, Graduate Studies Level.

        None?

        And, just like you, these “experts” are often unfulfilled, too, sexually.

        But would they ever tell you?

        Or do they, perhaps, say, “That’s just the way it is”?

        It’s not. It’s “just the way it was.”

        I mean really DO YOUR EXPERTS, who you depend on for useful, truthful sexual information, LOOK HAPPY and RELAXED, to you, and like they’re sexually sated?

        I doubt it.

        Or they’d be fixing it for you, too; overjoyed to share the recipes, techniques, and method melodies that have put a smile on their faces, a song deep in their hearts and throats.

        Or selling their technique on talk TV!

        Now, that would be fun, probably, but that’s clearly NOT MY GOAL, or I’d change my title to something more politically correct, more media friendly.

        For this, I’m not the media’s friend, I’m yours.

        Because I LOVE sex and love and I want to share this with you.

                    * * * *

        And, as bold as I sound, and am, I’m also just as shy about a lot of this as you or your special her is. That’s why we pass folded, secret notes in class, to say what we can’t say aloud, to pass on our joy and hope it’s well-received.

        This is my love note on tongue loving to you in the world, in hopes a few more or a million or billion more women, and their loving partners, will HAVE and SHARE GREAT JOY.

        Because happy women MAKE the world happy!

        So, lovey, unwrap the package, it’s Christmas EVERY NIGHT, and DAY.

        And we can do this, YOU CAN DO THIS.

        Hey. We pump our own gas, we load our own software. We can figure out together a little friendly, personal yet universal sense about what to do during a little one on one tasty playtime alone together.

                    * * * *

        Okay, for the hardcore doubters, still wondering, “What the hell does Neale Sourna really know about sex?”

        Besides having a fairly extensive private library about it.

        Besides being a professional sex writer, editor, and publisher.

        Well, I’ve also co-ghostwritten and edited a male masturbation book and successfully written for several relationship, romance, and sex sites online; through my writing company www.Writing-Naked.com.

        But, enough about me, because this is all about you AND her.

Because, DID YOU KNOW:

        That, of a survey of 1102 women, a full 11% had NEVER had an orgasm.[1] And that 46% of these women thought ALL MEN WERE SELFISH; while a high “79 percent thought only their husbands were selfish.”

        Ouch.

        Plus, 56 % of these married women still believed the old beehive and stiletto heels time’s sexual propaganda that some women, many women are frigid, intentionally and stubbornly so, which was a standard 1950s-60s Cold War way to batter a woman, whether wife or passing partner, not sexually interested or satisfied, but unknowing how to correct it.

        That “real women” aren’t interested in sex, “only sluts.” Not realizing real, sweet and loving women were and are interested, but that the love her lover was making to her or with her was ignorant, or inadequate to the task.

        It was pleasure for everyone in the room, but her. And still is.

        And they wondered why she wasn’t interested?

It wasn’t HIS fault, it was ALL HER FAULT.

        To put that on the other foot, considering that many men have a problem with their sexual function, so much so it has a cute name now, ED [erectile dysfunction], how much have men LOVED being called “impotent” or “not a real man,” because his sexual interest was taking a nosedive, failing to rise to the occasion, etcetera?

        Not much, I’m thinking.

        That same beehive culture, from which we’re now descended, said that both a woman and a man, but most especially all women needed no sexual education before her wedding night, except her mother telling her on her wedding day that her new husband will do “unpleasant things to her” and that she had “to endure it.”

        Wow. Doesn’t sound joyful ... and fun, to me, or like everyone knows all they need about sex.

        Add to this widely cultural ignorance, which is still threaded throughout our culture(s):

                    The complete lack of knowing what to do.

        Especially with her and for her, or of how her wonderful, fascinating body works in an intimate, nakedly open, and face to face sexual context.

        But then, voila, on her wedding night, she’s told to open wide, AFTER being screamed at about “keep your knees closed” since the second she was born a girl child and her family and world decided her best and only protection was total, obliterating ignorance.

        And when has ignorance really ever come in handy, especially when something needs to be physically done?

        “Oh, gee, I smell gas; let me light this match afire to see for certain.” “Oh, that looks sharp, but I won’t know for certain not until I chop my hand with it.”

        My friends, “Ignorance is [not] Bliss.”

        Well, that world and attitude hasn’t changed yet, not as much as one, or I, would’ve hoped.

        Not yet.

        But we—you and I—are working on it.

        Right now.

        Inhale a deep, cleansing and filling breath, and be thankful, that YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR PART OF THAT WORLD AND ATTITUDE.

        Yes, you, because....

                    * * * *

        THIS IS ABOUT HER and YOU, together; and the tantalizing anticipation, then wonderful actual feel and smell and taste of great sex, and our total submergence into wonderful sex shared between two wonderful people.

                    * * * *

        Fortunately for you and me, various other researches, so that we can learn and improve, have shown and proved that:

                    81% of all women REGULARLY ACHIEVE ORGASMS FROM CUNNILINGUS (kun’-nih-lin’-gus),…

                    …compared to a mere lowly 25% of women, who get orgasms FROM traditional penile penetration.

        Meaning that penis in cunt penetration stimulation alone, without additional help, like adding clitoral stimulation, DOESN’T GET HER OFF, doesn’t make her cum.

        You get the picture. I hope.

                    * * * *

        Now.

        Which would you rather have, when YOU’RE receiving sex, 81% of success or just a random, once in a while 25%?

        Think $81 or, I’m good; just pay me $25, instead.

        Hell no.

        So, let her see how much unconditional LOVE and open GRATITUDE you have for being able to “give,” to encourage her pleasures and ecstasies, and the fantastically great HONOR that is yours, that she has allowed YOU to be THE ONE to be HER PLEASURE GIVER, HER ... MASTER SEXSINGER.

        Enough said.

        Enjoy.

        You must be thirsty and starving for oral pleasure.

        I know she is.

—Neale Sourna

 PS: Don’t be tense.

            § Take a deep breath, and let it out.

            § Take another deep, full breath.

            § Let go of all mental concepts, emotional anguish, and all wayward thoughts of what you should be and what you should be doing.

            § Relax.

            § Tickle each other.

            § Tell each other a few stupid jokes.

PPS: Challenge each other with a Game of Lie and Tell:

        Think of one sincere thing that’s a lie, and one sincere thing that’s a truth, but mix up which one you tell first. One of you goes first and tells one of your two brief stories. The other person goes. Then you switch back and finish. Then discuss.

        What’s so much fun about this? You can make them very TRUTHFUL, sincere lies, or….

        As I prefer, tell REALLY HUGE TALL TALE-type LIES, because they’re MORE FUN for my listener.

        And the sincere truth, I keep real and fairly modest, because both of our stories, both truth and lie, tell our loving partners much about us, and puts them right with us, in the same place, in the same state of mind and heart.

        Now. Go have fun.

Why “Singer,” “Singing,” and “Sing”?

        Singing is easy; although singing well, is a little harder, but don’t let that bother you; it doesn’t bother many inductees to the music Grammy Awards, as many famous, professional “singers” are technically and even stylistically imperfect, so YOU can do as well as them, or better.

        Singing is musical invention; whether it’s simple tunes and fanciful drones or complicated harmonies that soar and fall and swoop and go intricately round and round, then distill back into a simple tune, as simple as her bright-eyed smile.

                    * * * *

        I don’t work as a singer, musician, marching band instructor, or composer of music.

        And yet, I use my music everyday.

         The same Sonata Allegro form that Beethoven used I use to write novels, screenplays, and short stories; and the occasional poem.

        Or nonfiction books about sex and sexual fun!

Music taught and still teaches me:

            § musicality;

            § about being melodious and harmonious;

            § finding pleasure in perfect tones and the interesting variety of intense, discordant tones and the restful pauses found between them.

Music taught me, and still does; that…

        …there should be diversity, there should be ups and downs, and side to sides, louds and softs. Cross tones that are harmonious, and some that clash, some that vibrate and tickle and, some that bring you back to restful harmony, where you’ll enjoy it all the more, because of your wild journey.

        It’s not unlike an itch which you delay scratching, and then have true ENJOYMENT when you do FINALLY “scratch that itch.”

        Music taught me, to make internal, complimentary changes of the master key or theme, which changes the feel of the song I sing or play out, but which keeps it familiar.

        Music taught me that once you have a theme or rhythm stated, you expand and explore it, and examine it from different angles and attitudes and let it grow, until it bursts in crescendo, then you resolve it all to peace; Sonata Allegro form.

        Music taught me to let go as much as I can and relax and yet focus and practice my art, at least twenty (20) minutes a day, until I find my melodies and my voice, which is when it becomes enjoyable—sex is usually easier, but doesn’t always last that long.

        It can and should, if it’s a complete song or symphony.

        And it will for you, because now YOUR ART is to find YOUR VOICE, which is YOUR SEXUAL CENTER, whether in music, or in a “writer’s voice,” or a “character’s voice,” for those writers among us.

        We’re writing and singing love here; for YOUR SONGS, in YOUR VOICE, your sexual voice that is YOU and YOURS, and NO ONE ELSE’s.

        It’s the same as when someone says, “I knew it was you, when I heard your voice!” And they’re happy to hear you. Because YOUR sound WAS MUSIC to their ears.

        Singing is easy.

        It’s not “hard” or “difficult.”

        And so should sex be.

        But singing does take focus. And practice. If you want to do well, and not make others cringe, and flinch at the sound of it!

        You don’t have to be a virtuoso with “perfect pitch,” either; because even bad singers and boring singers, and just plain weird singers, can become famous and legendary.

        You already know that music is individual—some like African jungle drums, some like Native American handmade flute tones, some only listen to Spanish-Polish Polka—music is for the ears, but also for the body, like a drum roll or your favorite cranked up dance music vibrating through you.

        My advanced classes taught all of us classmates, music can be visual AND emotional.

        And anyone in heartfelt love, or heartfelt lust, too, can know the fine music of the body’s dance, of two bodies together, shifting from vocalizing two inner, separate, and conflicting tunes, as they shift and change, and become more open.

        And then meld into ONE FINE HARMONY of combined voices, whose bodily vibrations harmonize and blend together, into beauty.

        Into sexual beauty.

Why THAT Word, “Cunt”?

        You’re thinking, “Well, that was all poetic and stuff, but why do you have to use that word, the c-word? It’s soooo vulgar.”

        Is it?

        My truest, heart and soul-felt answer: “Why not? It’s an ancient word that was not slanderous or a curse word, even less so than vagina, or vulva, but has been used as an accusatory negative, much like the word ‘feminist,’ as in, You’re NOT a ‘feminist,’ ARE you?”

        And let’s face it one hears slang terms of women’s parts more than the true titles. When was the last time you heard “vulva” spoken on broadcast TV or radio? And didn’t you grow up hearing “boobs” and “tatas” more than “breasts” or “down there” more than the cumbersome and specific “female sexual organs”?

        And, that’s all I’ve got to say, there’s an entire thick little book called, “Cunt,” by Inga Muscio, if you want more details on whether you want to detox off your fear of the word.

        And whether it is truly an “obscene” word, or just a stupendously abused female word. The ultimate female word, as Ms. Muscio’d say; because no man has one.

        Let’s face it most people don’t even really know what cunt is, or means, except they assume it’s THE c-word you shouldn’t say; especially when spoken of in front of mom, grandma, and other respected women.

        Sometimes it’s “Cocksucker” or some such other c-word, too, but you can only tell by the fumbling, cultural context, as all the kids and teens in the area put their heads together to figure it out!

        Even those who study words can’t seem to “get to the bottom” of exactly where the word comes from, and exactly what it means.

        Personally, I put it with “bitch,” which also wasn’t a bad word back in ancient days, and a “son of a bitch” wasn’t what you think it is. The guy partied with the ladies and then got sacrificed to death, by being ripped apart by women.

        Ouch!

        And the late Peter Jennings, super news U.S. anchor was the first mainstreamer I ever heard say “bitch” on nationwide US TV, about a famous woman defendant. Now, everyone says it.

        Geez, when actress Lucille Ball was pregnant in the 1950s on US TV, they never mentioned the word “pregnant.” Let alone vulva or vagina, because anything under the clothes, especially of female origin has to be digitized out or euphemized. Like “boobs,” “bazooms,” “cha-chas,” and tons more nonsense words for breasts.

        And why don’t they digitize and hide fat men’s breasts on TV? Because men’s breasts are BETTER than women’s? Or less obscene? Hell no.

        Please, digitize those puppies, people!

        And the only TV word at all, that were allowed in the not so olden days, for a woman’s most private bits, was the word “womb.”

        Which clearly makes one think, “Oh my god, is that ALL it can be used for? Giving painful birth’s NOT FUN.”

        And also it was forbidden to say the word “condom” on US TV far into the 1980s.

        While back in the 1880s and 1780s on back a woman was supposed to feel offended, if her husband offered to wear a condom, while having sex with her, whether he had a disease like syphilis or she was on her fourteenth baby in twelve pregnancy fattening years of “marital bliss.”

        Why was this “logic” their “honorable” attitude?

        Because men only wear THOSE THINGS with sex-selling, demented, and evil females called whores and prostitutes. Ah, for shame.

        And quite recently, this 21st century, everyone got all queasy when actress, activist Jane Fonda said, “the c-word” in a TV interview.

        Anyway, why cunt all in your face? Well, duh. Because this is about cunnilingus; licking cunt, you silly goose!

        So, happy cunt to you and yours. We all came out of one, even you test tube types.

 PS: cunt

        Cunt (older Germanic word—English is a Germanic language—for Latinate vagina; but there are still some language masters arguing over the REAL origins of cunt), cunctipotent (all powerful, female style), cunning, cunny (nickname for cunt, think pussy, or coney for rabbit), kin, kinsman.

        Also cunnilinctor[2]: A male performing oral-sex on the clitoris and vulva.

        Synonyms: cunnilingist ; cunnilinguist.

        See also: cunnilinctrice[3]: A female performing oral-sex on the clitoris and vulva.

        Synonyms: cunnilingist ; cunnilinguist.

And, Finally, Why the Fiction Excerpts?

        Why the fiction, and some nonfiction, excerpts? Because most women love interesting stories of character and interrelationships, some with gentle romance, some with horny explicitness.

        So, to help you and give you cues on what kinds of things might be good to add to YOUR foreplay, to YOUR diddling, to whatever gets YOUR favorite her wet and ready, I’ve included various fiction clips, as a sampler.

        Yes, most are mine, but then I don’t have to worry about legal clearances or whether I got a quote EXACTLY right. Right?

        I’m lazy, get over it. And, I really like my stuff, and want to share. There’s also plenty other things your local librarian, bookstore, or internet connection can hook you up in your search for great, loving, erotic reads that suit you both.

        If she likes the excerpts, read more like them to her, and let her read to you, as you two cozy together, and warm each other.

         In pleasure and the pleasure of togetherness.

        And the nonfiction bits may just add to your info facts mental list, and also actually add a new dimension or two of possibilities to your lovemaking.

        All in all, read her some horny, sexy, delicious fiction and she’ll get horny, sexy, and delicious with you.

Author’s Acknowledgements

        Thanks to Wikipedia and all its fine editors (I’m one, so I thank myself, too.), and also online internet world sex forums, resources, and the wonderfully educational Cleveland Public Library.

        And Landmarks’ Son of Citation Machine at http://citationmachine.net/.

        And several really great and informative sex books I always keep close to hand.

        You should too.

        I also thank the teachings of Joe Vitale, Caroline Myss, Les Brown, Edgar Cayce, Lynn V. Andrews, and Carlos Castaneda for inspiration on all planes of existence.

Remember: Knowledge is powerful

                —not just power.

        Relaxation opens the heart for love to both enter and step forth, heart welcomes and translates inspiration from paradise and beyond, into livable substance and action, and all together they equal fun in bed, and in our bodies and emotions.

        And, as screenwriters Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon, the fine creators, who gave birth to the wonderful “Bill and Ted” films and cartoon, will always continue to say:

                    “Be excellent to each other; and . . . party on, dudes!”©[4]